Why?

I feel like I'm in prison, but I never committed a crime did I? Sometimes I wonder why. Why me? But everything happens for a reason right? I would like to know the reason for this, for the hell I'm living in. I hope I can help others one day, that are like me. I think that's the reason.

The beginnning

My little heart pumping, stomach churning, body shaking. I’m somewhere else now, far away. I’m in the middle of a nightmare but I’m awake. The voices around me are muffled and the world is spinning around me. I’m struggling to catch my breath, to catch my life. Here we go again.

I'm LaurenMarie and welcome to my story. I'm 15 years old, suffering with emetophobia (the fear of Vomiting) , Panic attack disorder, OCD, and depression. Five years ago, the hell began. My father at age 47, was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma. Having someone so close to me, be so Sick scarred me tremendously. Because I was only 10 when he was ill, my parents didn't fully explain to me what was happening.

It wasn't until later that I felt the effects. Two years after his diagnosis, was mine. I develpoed an extreme phobia of Vomiting. Along with it came the horrid panic attacks, controlling OCD, and  ghostly, helpless depression. As my mind deteriorated, so did my body. My diet was totally restricted because of my fear and my lowest weight was 69 pounds in December 2010.

From shattering panic attacks that consisted of screaming and ambulences, to obsessions and self harm. This is my story in a nutshell. I've come so  far, but I still have very far to go.